How to be happy

What does it mean to be truly happy in life and how can you achieve it? 

I can tell you that real happiness eluded me for years, but now in my fifties it is my normal state of being.  

I’m happy with my life and in my life. 

Until that point I was riding a rollercoaster where sometimes I’d get a rush of hope and euphoria, but it was very easily dismantled. 

It took the smallest stone to knock me off my perch. 

And I was always chasing that higher feeling. As if real happiness was a permanent state of euphoria. It’s not. 

Chasing the good times

In pursuing that rush I would buy things I didn’t need for the momentary excitement of having something new, something that might make me look or feel more attractive. 

Something that might give me a sense of status, like a new designer handbag. 

Or I would gulp back the wine when out with friends thinking this was the way to get that high, kick back and enjoy life. 

But there was no enjoying life the next morning. Instead I’d be left stewing in a pile of anxiety with nausea and a pounding headache for company. 

And it slowly began to dawn on me that happiness is not found in those highs. In the sudden spikes of thrill. 

Happiness is a straighter line

Happiness is more of a constant, continual line of contentment which has much smaller peaks and dips. 

It comes from understanding your place and status in the world as a human with good intentions and compassion for others. 

Those old jealousies I had faded away. 

Jealousy is just a whisper (sometimes a shout) showng us what we think will secure us happiness.  

And it tells us that we’re wandering around with a sense of lack rather than a feeling of abundance. 

What if we don’t have financial abundance you ask? How can we feel happy then? 

You can be a ‘have not’ and still have

I believe some of the people who would be considered the poorest on the planet can be happier than those with the most. 

Happiness can’t be found through things. It’s found in our appreciation of what we have, and in particular the love in our lives.  

We have an abundance of things to enjoy that cost nothing. The company of friends and family. A morning walk by water, or down a tree-lined lane taking in the colors, the sounds, the smell of freshly cut grass, flowers and blossoms in full bloom. 

Since this dawning I find I buy very little in the way of clothes or little luxuries – although I have an absolute love of fragrance and fragranced candles! 

When it comes to alcohol, I pretty much stick to a single glass of wine with dinner at weekends because I realised it didn’t really add to my evenings. Certainly not at the age of 51.  

I found those deep, meaningful conversations with friends still happen when sober and actually have greater emotional impact because you’re so much more alert to the needs of the person you are spending time with.  

Within all this I’ve found contentment. 

Life’s not always a bed of roses

That’s not to say I’m not ambitious and looking to grow. But my ambition now is less about achieving material things and more about making the most of life and what I contribute to it. 

So I pursue unpopular topics on my platforms like the effect of alcohol on our health because, although I know it’s a bit of a party-pooper, I want the very best for others as I do for myself.  

I go there because there are things we all need to confront if we really want to protect our health and wellbeing. And there’s no point in building a platform if you can’t use it for good. 

If it’s just a means to an end you would burn out and feel empty. 

And, sure I still worry about stuff. I feel stressed, probably more than is good for me, I can have my hours and sometimes days of feeling a bit low. 

I don’t float around on a cloud, and life is not always fluffy.

But I bounce back faster because of that underlying appreciation of what I’m surrounded by.

When we have love in our life – and that doesn’t mean it’s always a bed of roses with your partner, kids etc  – but we still know we have family and friends who really care. 

That’s everything right there. The rest is icing on the cake. 

So happiness is found in your contentment in this moment, with what you have now. From there it can only grow.